Ultimate Fighter Season 24 Episode 9
- Fighters travel to Las Vegas with one dream, one goal - to become The Ultimate Fighter. Determination, Discipline, Excellence. These young men are accomplished.
- Lowbacca was Chewbacca’s nephew in the old EU and a Jedi. This name is so stupid and lazy that it is infuriating. INFURIATING. It’s just designed to.
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We even have our own not- at all- scientific rating system to judge our favorite, comical names from the galaxy far, far away: the Poe Dameron Scale. And we are proud now to introduce the PDS to the world. The Poe Dameron Scale, or PDS, is named after the Star Wars- iest character around, Oscar Isaac’s suave X- Wing pilot, who to us best represents the quintessential absurdity Star Wars character names often have. A name is rated out of five Poes, with general sound, spelling, and resemblance to real words all taken into account. Laziness gets points deducted, while using a real word but spelled weirdly which also sounds awesome when said aloud would earn many extra points. To show you how it works, we’ve compiled a list of 2.
Star Wars names, both good and bad, and then judged them according to the PDS. We have provided these rankings below using the system’s proprietary Poe Dameron Heads, as well as an explanation of how each name earned it, so that you too can see the PDS in action, so to speak. The PDS has been a time- honored tradition in io.
Truly, there is no better way to rank Star Wars character names than with a pile of Poe Dameron’s heads. Lowbacca. Lowbacca was Chewbacca’s nephew in the old EU and a Jedi. This name is so stupid and lazy that it is infuriating. INFURIATING. It’s just designed to mimic Chewbacca’s name by taking a real word with a “w” at the end and putting it in front of “bacca.” His nickname is even Lowie, which is somehow so much worse than Chewie.
And yet, the laziness is kind of perfect for a Star Wars name, when so many of George Lucas’ own name creations are just too on the nose. It makes “Lowbacca” a perfect example of a Star Wars name, but it’s still not quite good enough to rate two full Poe Damerons. PDS Rating: Soon Baytes. Sure, on its own, Soon Baytes is not that great of a Star Wars name. In fact, it probably shouldn’t be on this list. Except when you realize that Soon Baytes isn’t the great name, it was his name and his title that made him great, because Soon was a Jedi Master. Which meant, yes, there’s totally a Star Wars character who gets referred to as “Master Baytes.”We’re immature enough that this makes us giggle, and we’re willing to bet creator Randy Stradley giggled too—after all, he infamously named the character in an attempt to get back at a Lucasfilm editor who would rigidly add “Master” in front of every Jedi’s name in Stradley’s comic scripts.
PDS Rating: Empatojayos Brand. This Dark Empire II character already had an amazing design—meant to be a heavily disfigured Jedi, he basically looked like the torture droid from A New Hope with arms and a squat head balanced on top. But his name is like someone put the effort in to make a Star Wars- ass name and then promptly gave up half way through. Empatojayos? But still, potent enough when mixed together. He makes our cut. PDS Rating: Dodd Rancit.
A small- time Navy officer introduced in Tarkin, Rancit was ultimately executed for thinking it would be a great idea to work with a Rebel cell in an attempt to get himself a promotion. He was an idiot, sure, but you can’t really fault his name, evoking wonderfully evil, rancid- y tones. PDS Rating: URo. RRu. R’R’RWould you believe this is the name of the Tusken Raider that menaced Luke in A New Hope? We had no idea, either.
But also, that is too many rs. Like, it would’ve been enough at “Urorrur”, but then adding on another two with apostrophes is just obnoxious.
How on earth are you meant to say it? Are the capitalizations meant to make a difference? We don’t care, really, it just makes trying to say it out loud a ton of fun. Watch Empire Season 3 Episode 9 Online there. PDS Rating: Pash Cracken. His name is Cracken.
Pash Cracken. He’s another hotshot pilot, this time the son of General Airen Cracken. In a weird twist of fate, with the old EU now not canon, Pash’s dad is still alive and well in canon and Pash has been relegated to the dust heap of history. Which is shame because he again has a one- syllable word as a first name and a last name which onomatopoeically conveys coolness. It also, unfortunately, means that when you combine his first and last names, you get the word “Crash,” which just isn’t good for a pilot. Although it is hilarious. PDS Rating: Jek Tono Porkins. Porkins, if you don’t remember, was the large X- Wing pilot in A New Hope that died because he couldn’t pull his ship up.
The name “Jek” gets the usual Star Wars points for being a single- syllable first name that vaguely sounds like it could be a name (see also: Poe, Biggs, Bail). But the real joy here is that his last name is Porkins basically so that he could be given the nickname “Piggy.” Which implies that the Star Wars universe has pigs. And calls the meat they eat from them “pork.” This name is deep.
It raises questions. PDS Rating: Zsinj. Katharine already once described Warlord Zsinj as “named by someone headdesking into a keyboard while reading the outline to” The Courtship of Princess Leia, which was the book he premiered in. And we stand by that.
It’s just.. Arranged to look good on the page but to strike absolutely no fear into anyone when said aloud. He is a ridiculous man made more ridiculous by his name. PDS Rating: Whorm Loathsom. One of the first villains in Clone Wars, this Separatist General is what happens when you try way too hard to do the classic Star Wars bad guy name technique of just picking negative words and go fully on into absurdity. I mean, his first name is worm, for crying out loud. We get it, he’s evil, no need to linguistically bash it over our heads! PDS Rating: Cumberlayne Aresko.
One of the bumbling Imperial officers from the first few season of Rebels, this mainly amuses us because it reminds of the closest to a Star Wars name we have in real life, Benedict Cumberbatch. It’s decadent and snooty in the best way—a perfect match for his character design—but probably not evil enough for the Empire. It’s a wonder he made it to Commandant, honestly. PDS Rating: Sheev Palpatine.
Emperor Palpatine is an all- time iconic Star Wars name. It just drips off the tongue in the most delightfully evil manner. But when the Tarkin novel in Disney’s new canon decided that somehow Palpatine really needed a first name, it fucked up real bad—by which we mean it fucked up amazingly—by giving the most evil man in the galaxy the Star Wars first name equivalent of Clive.
Sheev is not a sinister name, in fact, it’s decidedly hilarious. Do you think he turned to the dark side because all the kids on Naboo took the piss out of his name? PDS Rating: Dexter Jettster. A) His name rhymes. B) He’s a member of the “Besalisk” species, which ranks up there with “Mon Calamari” in terms of alien species names. C) His first name is a real name, but is somehow rendered completely ridiculous by the last name. D) Jettster is so close to “Jet Star” it is honestly amazing.
PDS Rating: Armitage Hux. Hux has the classic x sound of evil in it, while sounding exactly like the disappointed exhale you too would have if this is how your child turned out. Armitage sounds like it should have some kind of military meaning, but it doesn’t.
It actually comes from Middle English word for hermitage, which also seems right for this character. This is in the classic Star Wars tradition of taking a real thing—it’s a town as well as a last name—and putting them in a weird place (see also: Any of the Antilleses). PDS Rating: Savage Opress. When you already took Maul for a character name and need to make his brother, this is what you get.
It’s like someone on the Clone Wars staff looked at General Grievous and went, “You know, I bet we can make a name that’s more blatantly evil.” Bonus points though for pronouncing his name like it’s a ridiculously posh British person saying “Savage,” though. But he doesn’t have that in the new canon, so we can safely ignore it—who wants a sensible Star Wars name, honestly—to say SLEAZEBAGGANO CAN’T BE SOMEONE’S SURNAME, OH MY GOD. Talk about predestiny with a name like that, right?